Posted by: sulya | 6 December 2010

And So…

In a state of acute femaleness the other day, I wound up with a hot water bottle between bent knees and abdomen on my kitchen floor.  My head was on the laminate, my neck twisted to the right.  I was worried the hot water bottle might burst from the pressure of my entire torso squishing it to my bent legs, the tops of my thighs.  But it was holding.  I was holding but still miserable.  Waiting for the heat to kick in, waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in.

And that’s when I saw it.

Him.  That’s when I saw him.

The one, yellow gummy bear lying just under the stove drawer, on his side, facing me.

Similarly abject.  Similarly alone and waiting, though for what I cannot say.

“You have not been writing.”  He said, “you are always crazier when you are not writing.  You know this.”

“What makes you think I’m crazy, Bear?”

“You are hugging a water bottle with cow-infested fleece cover and curled up on this filthy disgusting floor.  Seems crazy to me.  I’m only here because someone dropped me.”

It seemed a fair point.  And the floor had certainly seen better days.  The bear was keeping company with popcorn seeds, cat kibble, cat fur in grease-bound kitchen’y clumps…

“I couldn’t make it to the sofa, Bear.”

“Well, your computer is right over there.  Your journal is right over there.  You could make it there couldn’t you?”

With characteristic defensiveness, I couldn’t help thinking it was none of the bear’s damn business.  I’ve been reading a helluva’ lotta’ theory.  I’ve been writing reader responses and papers and doing “testimonial presentations” which basically involved diagnosing the entirety of North America with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I’ve been teaching the babies, the toddlers, the preschoolers and working at the foundations of a new relationship which is rich and complicated, frustrating and rewarding…  I am mother to an increasingly interesting 5 year-old…  Evil step-mother in training to three other children… I’ve been trying not to completely neglect every friend I have…  I mean for heaven’s sake… There is only so much of me…

“There is always more of you when you write,” said the bear, revealing what I have always believed but have never before proven about gummy bear telepathy…

“Fine, Bear.  Fine.  I’ve been thinking that I will join Holidailies.”

“That would be a good place to start,” he said.  His dusty yellow translucence seemed to luminesce.  A spirit departed.  The ibuprofen kicked in.

And I wound up here.





  1. I am so glad you had this talk with the gummy. He’s right you know.

  2. Oh Miss Kitty… I have missed you… Have not actually been able to post through the reddit holidailies thing yet but will double post tomorrow I guess…


  3. Beeeyoootiful

  4. Thank you, honey. And I just checked. He’s still there – escaped the broom at least twice… I feel I will leave him there for a little while… It’s warm and relatively safe as the cats don’t seem interested and it somehow would feel wrong to move him at this point…

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