Posted by: sulya | 30 December 2009

On The Grid & Back in the Game

Santa knew my address after all.  Wrapped a bunch of gifts in silver paper and then in Christmas lights shaped like stars, plugged the lights in and tucked it all under the tree made of bows in my son’s room so that they would be there when he got home.

A few of the gifts were for the cats actually.  The big hit there is this ball with feathers attached that rolls oddly and makes totally innocuous chirping sounds.

There was also a Playmobil pontoon plane that is a great bath toy.

And more Moon Sand.  Yes.  Moon Sand.  Great name for a great – if messy – toy.

I got cuddles for the first time in a week from my little man.  I felt the relief and pressure of having him back where I can see and hear him.  The the binding responsibility – the inspiration and love.

I heard the stories that stood out to him from his holiday.  Full of his father, his uncle, his grandparents and his father’s girlfriend.  And was happy his holiday was so full.  So rich in many senses of the word.

Felt the contrast between his week and my own sharply.  Acutely.

Threw the chirping cat toy for the girl cat.

Moved on.

There are days I am made weary into my marrow, into each cell, with how complicated it all is.

I want to feel something beautiful and pure and uncomplicated.  And I know I will – even if for only a second – when I check on him before I go to bed myself.  I will poke my head in there and see him sleeping and feel his peace inside me and that will be pure and simple.

And fleeting.  And maybe that’s just the way it’s supposed to be.

Maybe.

But, I hope not.

**

***

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Responses

  1. So good to hear the boy is back home safe and sound.

    Have a happy New Year, Sulya.

  2. Ah, the fleeting nature of the sweet things stings.

    If I can find the great cosmic pause button for those moments, I’ll be sure to let you in on the secret.

    Until then, happy new year. & Thanks for writing.

  3. Kitty – Nice to have him back! Happy New Year to you, beautiful.

    Ruth – Thank you for reading, Ruth. Really. Do let me know if you ever figure it out the cosmic pause button (awesome way to phrase it by the way…) cuz man…. Hard.


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