Posted by: sulya | 9 December 2009

Notes to All & Sundry From a Cranky Bear

1… The road signs that light up with bright yellow moving arrows big enough to be SEEN FROM SPACE indicating a lane closure three blocks ahead don’t mean speed up and try to cut in as close to the front of the line as possible. So. No, you self-important f–ker. I won’t let you in my lane. Especially if you are driving a car I don’t like or talking on your fancy-ass phone and thanks for the concern but my karma will be fine. I let other people in front of me all the damn time.

2… Please.  World.  Release me from those who make promises they won’t or can’t keep. Big promises.  Small promises.  Especially small ones.  At this point, for example, a man could probably cheat on me with my sister and I’d forgive him as long as when he said, “I’ll call you after” he actually called…  And, yes, I’m perfectly aware that failing to follow through on things is annoying when I do it too.

3… I feel confident saying that fully grown people should not pick their noses and ingest what they find. I think it’s gross when kids do it too but when you’re standing in front of some Van Gogh sunflowers at a beautiful museum the last thing you want to see is a six foot two stretch of man in glasses with a briefcase mining his lunch out of his face… Seriously… Get some help, Sir.

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