Posted by: sulya | 30 September 2009

Roused into Late Night Musings

rousedSo, not for the first time, I’m woken by voices outside my window sometime after bars let out but before one can justify just getting up and starting your day if you don’t actually have to.  Last time it was a guy, screaming into what I can only assume is the ground floor apartment three floors below mine because that is the trouble apartment around these parts:

“You fucking WHORE!  I hope you DIE!  I gave you everything and you won’t even give me back my coat.  I hope you DIE!”

This time, though, it was out on the street, there was a cop involved and he was as potty-mouthed as Angry Coat-Guy had been.  The first thing I heard was:


Then things got quieter.  Then I heard a woman weeping.   Drunk or high or both.  Beyond propriety.  Catching the sadness of a situation and the whole damn world; a voice loud with the backing of chemical connection to collective unconscious:

“What is WRONG with people?  Why don’t we all love each other?!!!”

And then a few minutes later, with much less largesse of spirit:

“Five hundred dollars?  I can’t believe this.”

And there was something nauseating about the seemingly heartfelt grandness of the first query and the pedestrian fiscal smallness of the following statement.  Grounded out of the ungrounded madness of empathy into the very real weight of the financial.  Maybe, I thought tiredly while one cat found the back of my knees and the other went under the covers to cozy up to my belly, empaths need money to keep them from floating off into space.

Then a new voice entered the fray.  A man’s voice.

“You’re kidding!  Five hundred bucks because I have a bladder that WORKS?!!!”

Then the cop must have said something quietly and then I heard:

“Oh go ahead, take me in!  Been there done that!  Night in a drunk tank with a bunch of losers!  Whatever!”

And then the cop left and the woman was pleading because I heard the man say, “I need a fucking JOINT not to go back to your place and have a little pow-wow.  Jesus!  Whatever…. No, I don’t want to.  It’s the last place I want to go but let’s just go.”

I was left wondering why, exactly, they had been pulled over?  Was she peeing in public?  And where exactly ?  Cuz my son plays with sidewalk chalk out there.  I was also left thinking, “Honey, worry less about why we don’t all love each other and more about why you are going home with a drunk tank loser who doesn’t know he’s a loser and who is blatantly saying he’s only going to your place by default.”

I mean how sexy and charming is that?  I was just about two shakes of a lamb’s tail away from inviting that big boy up into my apartment cuz he just talks so pretty…

Seriously – what the fuck is WRONG with people?!

It all reminded me of a line from the show Sports Night.  The character Jeremy is writing a letter home to his sister Louise.  His voice over, speaking about the character Dana, says (going from memory here), “I can understand why a woman might think any man is better than nothing but I’ll never understand why she thinks she has nothing.”

But I was also left wondering why the question “Why don’t we all love each other?”  Automatically begs ridicule?  Sober, drunk, sick or well – I don’t know a person who wouldn’t smirk a little if they heard someone say, “Why don’t we all love each other?”  And that seems unfortunate to me.

Seemed unfortunate in the middle of the night when I felt myself smirk.  Feels unfortunate now.

Made me think, “I can understand why we use cynicism to keep ourselves safe, I just don’t understand why we think any of the good stuff ever happens when we play it safe.”


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