Posted by: sulya | 7 July 2009

Signs of Stress or “My Wise Old Nostril”

wiseoldnostrilSo. Yeah. Been a bit of a basket case for the last little while. It takes its toll. I mean, I’ve been a stress case for my entire life so far. I worry. A lot. About everything and about other people’s everything. There are several lovers, husbands, wives and friends of friends over the years who have absolutely no idea how much they were angrily obsessed over and/or how near to them was wanton retributive destruction… Alternately, I have also sent piles and piles of good vibes into the universe for people going through hard times, administered many hugs, written many words of support…

And, though it is clear from how much love and support came my way last week that the universe is not mocking me for my efforts – I do pay for all of this emotional froufrah and stress. Muscles seize up and I wind up looking like pretzel. I wind up with strange infections – usually but not exclusively of the throat. I lose my ability to concentrate on anything and wind up in parts of town I’ve never seen or forget to pay bills, return library books, or, you know – EAT – which, of course, just further impairs my ability to concentrate. Sometimes an eye will start to twitch or little patches of excema will show up like aliens landed on the field of me with their spacecraft in the night.

The weirdest symptom of stress I have ever experienced, though, is the one I discovered just a few days ago…

All the hairs in my right nostril have turned white.

Yes. You read that right.

My right nostril has aged about 30 years in what I’m imagining is about a month or so. I can’t be certain when it happened as I do not routinely look at my nostrils. They get a gander when I have a cold and have to teach so as to make sure there’s nothing scary in there for others to see. They get a firm eye-stinging tweezerish talking to if a hair seems to not understand the boundaries of its existence. Other than that I have no desire to look up my own nose. So, all I can say is that sometime in the last month those hairs, in that right nostril, all turned white.

Nothing I can do about it, nor do I care very much, though I can’t help thinking there is comedy to be mined from a Q-tip’s worth of “Just for Men” and turning myself into an anosmatic… Hmmmm….

For now, I will try to spin some tale for myself whereby this freakish follicular nasal folly is the result of increased wisdom…

Yeah… That’s right – W.I.S.D.O.M.



  1. Sulya! Gray is not so bad. When the offending hairs start braiding themselves…now THAT’S something to worry about.

    But…you are a generous soul indeed to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of other’s troubles. The university is a better place for the vibes you provide.

    Yes, wisdom is it! Well deserved wisdom, selfless one.

  2. ” I can’t help thinking there is comedy to be mined from a Q-tip’s worth of “Just for Men”

    A vein of impossible riches, my dear.

  3. Julie – Braiding themselves would indeed be a tad worrisome… Geez… lol… Thank you for the kind words, Julie. I’ll let you know if that wisdom yields anything juicy.

    Valliant – I was so hoping someone would find that funny or potentially funny, that it was you means much to me.

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