Posted by: sulya | 4 July 2009

Two Birds Hidden in the Sun & Other Musings

cannotsee

MUSING # 1………

Technology likes to mess with me.  I have not yet figured out how to cope.  Landlines. Cell phones. Email.  IM.  Texts. Blogs. Facebook. Twitter. Google has this thing they are developing called Google Wave…  I tell you… It will either make it all make sense or be the end of the world as we know it.  The hard part for people whose worst possible nature is marked by insecurity and control freakishness is that one cannot ever guarantee that a message has gotten through.  I am the reigning sovereign of “please let me know you got this…”  But I feel like a needy wench every time I do it…  I love conversation and will have it via many different technologies quite happily – though voice to voice and face to face seem to be a dying art in some ways… It’s just that “con” means “with” in the context of the word conversation and thus I like to be sure I am not doing it alone. Thus, any suggestions as to how to cope with this ongoing “Did it get there, did it not get there?” madness would be most welcome.

MUSING # 2………

I have become convinced on reading a few previously unpublished and rarer works that landed in my lap by Mark Twain – that had he been born a century later he would have been one of the founders of Sesame Street.  Go ahead.  Argue with me.  You know, send me a text message or something.

MUSING # 3………

I have still not read very much Kurt Vonnegut but I think he might be something of an evil genius when it comes to understanding and manipulating even the most hardened and self-contained people.

MUSING # 4………

I have intimated this before but the plain truth of the matter is that I have a magic itunes playlist.  You ask it questions, hit shuffle or “next” on random and it gives you answers.  Sometimes you do not like the answers you get and sometimes you think that the answer has nothing to do with the question you asked.  But then you think about it.  And you can argue with yourself that you are just trying to shoehorn some sort of interpretation into a the space you want it to fit but no. It’s really magic.  It is right and if you are really being honest you realize that the question you asked was not actually the question you were thinking.  You were thinking a scarier question.  A question you’re not sure you even want the answer to and it knew that and it answered that question and you just have to suck it up.  So there.  And if you don’t believe me then you can ask one of my best friends.  She calls me to ask my itunes playlist questions.  And if you don’t believe her and give her any kind of attitude I will kick your ass so hard all the yous in all the alternate universes will stop and go, “What the fuck was that?  My ass hurts…”  because she is the friend who stayed at the hospital the whole time and was so awesome and loving with me and my son that we’re both pretty sure the nurses on duty thought we were lovers…  I truly feel sad for any woman who has not had a friend as good as my friend that they cannot tell the difference between supportive affection and sexual attraction.  Truly.  But whatever.  Not only can she hold her own if you mess with her but, like I said,  octopus ass-kicking – all yous everywhere in the universe, across all dimensions…

MUSING # 5………

I am learning how to write by the inspiration different muses.  This is hard.  It is painful.  Letting go of – or losing muses through the vagaries of time, place, feeling, circumstance – having to find new ones… I am trying to embrace the fun of it…. The newness… I am better at change than I used to be but still challenged by it.  I am hoping for new voices to go with new muses.  So…. Here’s to:  New courage.  New sources of strength. New adventures.  I think I am finally, truly, ready.

___________________________________

P.S.  My son is still doing fabulously!  His father made a breakthrough in cream application so even that is better!  YEY YEY YEY!  I am still coasting on a wave of relief that it’s over… Some images I have to exorcise at some point – demons rattling cages from traumas long past – but I’m not ready to write about anything other than he is strong and beautiful and that I have good, good friends.

P.P.S.  And Happy 4th of July to all the American Folk!!!

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Responses

  1. I can so relate to Musing # 4- it is so similar to what I did when I was a kid with the radio [and, okay, sometimes now when I am “desperate to know” certain things] – my friends and I would play this game – “the next song that comes on the radio is what “so-and-so” (some boy) thinks of me. May sound crazy, but last week I found myself saying ” the next song is what the second round Page reader thinks of my script”, lol. Crazy.

  2. ” My son is still doing fabulously! His father made a breakthrough in cream application so even that is better! YEY YEY YEY! I am still coasting on a wave of relief that it’s over…”

    That is wonderful, Sulya.

  3. michele – it is a strange thing for sure. It’s some cross between a genuine reaching out to the wisdom of the universe and playful, foolish, joyful superstition. I dunno’… I do it with books, magazines, the cars that pass me on the street some days. Silly but fun.

    Valliant – His recovery has been so fast. A little girl on the playground on Monday threw sand in his face and had she not immediately gone running to her very tall grandfather I might have done bodily harm in mama-bear like tantrumish rage… But as of yesterday you can barely even see that anything happened and I do think his depth perception has improved… It’s neat.


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